


Main Attraction

by dara3008



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Clint and Tony are obvious idiots, Confession Trough Song, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Main Attraction, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, News Media, Pining, Sassy Jarvis, Social Media, The Avengers as different celebrities or other, buzzfeed & tumblr get mocked, what are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 18:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21002525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dara3008/pseuds/dara3008
Summary: Clint Barton's new hit single is a mystery people want to solve. Who is his Main Attraction and why is he keeping it a secret? The gossip mills are turning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This happened right after Jeremy Renner's Main Attraction got released. It's a random mess, but I weirdly love it.   
It's very dialogue-heavy and certain chapters have themes.  
I hope y'all enjoy it xD

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255732/in/album-72157711306472048/)

"I have a new song." The sound of a snickering tiger was heard over squealing tires. Clint Barton was leaning his body into the movement of his own polar bear in the little go-kart, as Tony Stark mimicked the laugh of said tiger. "Fuck."

Whooping in victory as he passed the finish line, Tony threw his controller up in the air and caught it again. "Suck it, birdo!"

"Wrong franchise." Clint groused and crossed his arms over his chest, his own controller falling down with a thump. "You spend too much time practising this stupid game."

Slapping his knee, Tony let out a snort. "Sure, of course, whatever you say, sour loser." Saving their progress, he paused the game and turned towards his friend. "A new song you said?"

Leaning back against the couch, Clint let himself slump down. "Yep. Already have the date for the recording sesh. It will be out at the end of the month."

"Hmm." Leaning back as well, Tony fiddled with the controller, selecting a new Cup. "Can I read it?" He felt Clint tense a little and turned to look at him in question. 

"I'd rather you just hear it when it's out." The singer answered vaguely, voice a little strained.

Bewildered, Tony looked at him for a while, Clint never turning towards him. "Okay?" The genius straightened up, eyebrows still furrowed. "Who's it for?"

A sigh was his initial answer, and Clint sat up again to retrieve his own controller from the floor. "It's a secret." He tried to resume the game, but Tony quickly paused it again.

"Seriously?" He asked incredulously. Clint always told him who his inspiration was. "Why?"

The singer shrugged, resuming the level again. He sighed when Tony only hit the pause button once more. "It's no big deal, it's unimportant really. It's no one."

The genius saw right through his bullshit, but let him start the road this time. "Okay. I'll just kick your butt again then."

"Dream on!" Clint grinned brightly, but Tony only mustered a faint smile.

Although their thighs and shoulders were touching on the old couch, Tony suddenly felt distant from his friend. More distant than he had felt in years.


	2. Chapter 2

‘_ You’re The Main Attraction _’, he sings. 

But who _ is _ the inspiration for Clint Barton’s newest hit single?

Barton’s songs usually have an inspiration; fans know it and the media knows it as well. Oftentimes he just reveals who this inspiration is: His mother, his younger sister Kate, and only recently, his best friend/co-actress Natalia Romanova, whom he had dedicated the song ‘_ Heaven Don’t Have A Name _’ to. Of course, people have speculated if the newest addition to Barton’s roster isn’t about the beautiful Natalia as well; rumours of the two dating have been going strong for years, after all. But both the celebrities still deny any relationship past close friendship. 

“He’s really like a little brother to me,” Romanova said during an interview on Timmy Callon’s Midnight Show. “And don’t give me that pitying look. He would tell you the same about me.” Barton later confirmed this with a laugh. “She’s definitely the scary older sister I’ve never had.” 

Barton _ has _ confirmed that the song is dedicated to _ someone _ in a few interviews before the song came out, though. The rumour mills are spinning accordingly. Who _ is _ the inspiration? It has to be a pretty prominent figure to be Barton’s ‘Main Attraction’. We’ve decided to compile a list with possible candidates, so without further ado, here we go:

**Natalia Romanova**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255857/in/album-72157711306472048/)

We can’t dismiss her completely, many celebrities have lied about their relationships before, after all. Mostly for privacy reasons, sometimes to avoid scandals. Therefore, the number 1 on our list is Russian born actress Natalia Romanova, notably known for their mutual movies, such as _ Budapest _ and _ From Russia with Love _. 

The two share a long history, Barton explicitly said that he feels like he has known Romanova his whole life. They met in College, Romanova having spent her year abroad at the same University, and haven't parted since. They are constantly seen together but have always denied any and all gossip about a romantic involvement. Romanova, of course, has had different relationships over the years, notably a brief affair with Tony Stark and a long term relationship with military man James Barnes.

**Barbara "Bobbi" Morse**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886073566/in/album-72157711306472048/)

Yes, we know. Morse and Barton have been divorced for a few years now and, while the marriage was supposedly agreed on by both parties, fans were split on who was at fault. Many thought that Barton’s career took off and he neglected his wife for it, rumours about an affair with Romanova were also prominent throughout. Morse, a respectable athlete and Olympic Gold winner, was also named as scapegoat, her own career taking a big chunk of her life. Both denied any such accusations.

We are not necessarily saying that the two are back together, but it is no secret that Morse is a very successful, distinguished and beautiful woman, and the two did share 4 years of a seemingly loving marriage. She might just be ‘Main Attraction’ material.

**Laura Britton**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48885538003/in/album-72157711306472048/)

Laura Britton might not be as known at the first two ladies, but she _ should _ be known by some engineering enthusiasts. Being a lead engineer for Stark Industries, she is a highly successful woman, who has worked herself into an incredible position. Tony Stark himself has praised her countless times in interviews about progress on the arc reactor reformation, for Manhattan first and then New York soon after.

Barton and Britton have been seen together a few times during Galas at the Stark Mansion, after being introduced to each other by Stark himself. They have also been sighted together a few times outside of Galas, pictures being taken in parks and restaurants, sometimes accompanied by Britton’s 3 children. Rumours of dating have been going strong for some months now, describing them as the ultimate power couple. 

**Helen Cho**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255757/in/album-72157711306472048/)

Even less known than maybe Britton, Helen Cho is a distinguished surgeon, known world-wide for her precision and survival rates. Being a close friend of Tony Stark, Cho was selected a few times to assist on Barton’s hearing problems, working with Stark to make state of the art aids, that are currently in the test run to be sold globally. Cho has also assisted in several surgeries that Barton needed while working on stunts for his own movies. 

There’s little public knowledge about Cho’s private life, so a relationship might just be possible.

**Virginia "Pepper" Potts**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255882/in/album-72157711306472048/)

Maybe the most obscure lady in our list would be Virginia “Pepper” Potts, who is Stark Industries Co-CEO, a position earned through years of working as Stark’s personal assistant. She also happens to be Stark’s best friend and life long companion. The close relationship that Barton shares with Stark has certainly pulled him and Potts closer, the two having been spotted a few times around New York together. 

Potts is a power-woman, there’s no interview where Stark doesn’t praise her work at least once. Of course, many people believe that Potts is Stark’s romantic partner, though the two vehemently dismiss any such rumours. Barton and her get on very well, she has even visited a few of his live shows together with Stark.

And that’s our list. 

I hope you liked this little inside into Barton’s relationships. We can’t say anything for sure, of course, but who knows? Maybe the man himself will soon reveal, who his _ Main Attraction _is. 

Thank you for reading and we will see you on the next list!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out how to implement the whole thing without the quality dying a horrible painful death, but my friend Becky made my Buzzford article!  
Look at it, it's [perfect](https://www.flickr.com/gp/185019900@N08/H85HkH)!


	3. Chapter 3

**scottbartonismyname**

So y’all seen the buzzford list about Clint’s possible girlfriends? I repeat? GIRLfriends? The world thinks everyone’s straight, doesn’t it?? There’s so many men he could be with!

Scott Lang and him have such great chemistry, what the fuck? They could be boning? Or Steve Rogers! Have you seen their looks in _ From Russia with Love _?, sure Natalia was amazing, but they were best buds and loved each other so much! Steve and him in interviews are amazing!

**clintalia**

not everyone has to be gay you know? jesus tumble

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift **

did they say he’s gay, homie? Bi people exist!

\---

**mymainmanbarton**

  
Clint Barton in ‘Main Attraction’, 2019 1/?  
\--- _ Shippers don’t interact _

**cartonslutxoxo**

Does it count as shipping, if I ship him with _ myself _ ?? because hawt daddy, let _ me _ be your main attraction!

**mymainmanbarton**

Did… did a sex bot just call Clint ‘daddy’ on my aesthetic post?

**cartonslutxoxo**

I see how my name is misleading, but I am indeed not a sex bot, just a big slut for one Clinton Barton!

**tonistark**

you need jesus

\---

**clintondisaster**

am I the only one who really doesn’t care who Main Attraction is about? it’s just a song people, not rocket science, just enjoy it and stay out of our man’s life!

**brokenheartsandbrokenminds**

I think the reason why people are so curious is the fact that he’s always been transparent about who his inspiration was. He never made it a secret, so the fact that he’s keeping it now has people wondering

**fromrussiawithsalt**

^^ this. it’s just interesting! what if it really is a man? he probably wouldn’t want a scandal or something so maybe that’s his reason for hiding it. though, he should have known that keeping it secret would make the gossip even worse? maybe it’s really just a pr gag, who knows

\---

**mymainmanbarton**

  
Clint Barton in ‘Main Attraction’, 2019 2/?  
\--- _ Shippers and cartonslutxoxo don’t interact _

**cartonslutxoxo**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886074326/in/album-72157711306472048/)

\---

**lovethyneighbourslaythyenemies**

fuck buzzford, here’s my own list!

  1. Steve Rogers
  2. Scott Lang
  3. Bruce Banner (why? because like Pepper Potts, he’s been seen with him a few times, and that seems to be enough now)
  4. Hell, maybe Nat and him shared Bucky, they looked at each other once!
  5. why can’t a person just be single, seriously??

**nerdyTony**

_ cough _Tony Stark _ cough _

**lovethyneighbourslaythyenemies**

Clint’s too good for that warmonger

**totallypepperedinthepotts**

oh wow, one of those.

Okay here we go again:

[read more] 

\---

**makemydaygetmyclint**

Main Attraction is the conspiracy of the decade and it’s hilarious. There’s aliens, government secrets, corrupt politicians and the world wonders who Clint Barton is banging.

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift**

Priorities are important in life, I feel like we’re doing good.


	4. Chapter 4

Natalia Romanova was pacing, reading an article aloud. Her voice was tinged with amusement, accent all the more pronounced because of it. “We can’t say anything for sure, of course, but who knows? Maybe the man himself will soon reveal, who his _ Main Attraction _is.”

Pepper Potts chuckled from her place on the couch, toes tucked under Laura Britton’s thighs. “Too bad Helen and Bobbi aren’t here to hear this.”

“I read it to him this morning, he was offended that it’s only women.”

Laura hummed in thought. “Well obviously, he only said he was bisexual in interviews about a hundred times.”

“People hear what they want to hear.” Nat threw her tablet on the table and scoffed. “Why are _ you _ so silent?”

Perched upside down on the love seat, staring at the ceiling, Tony grunted. “What am I supposed to say?”

Pepper snorted. “He’s your bestie, isn’t he. Shouldn’t you know, who the song is about?”

“Nat’s his bestie.” He swung around, closing his eyes briefly when his head started spinning. “Wait, _ you’re _my bestie.”

“You can have more than one best friend, Stark.” Natalia rolled her eyes and pushed him to the side, to sit down next to him, one leg crossing over the other.

“Lies,” he grumbled and leaned his head back over the headrest when he heard a door open. “Talk of the devil.” His grin was crooked, as he waved a peace sign at Clint.

“Oh, am I? The devil?” The singer smirked back and swiftly leaned over the arm of the love seat to slump down over Tony and Nat’s laps.

“Uff.” Tony’s breath left his lungs and even Natalia grunted. 

“I’m just saying.” She wheezed. “It’s weird that he didn’t even tell you.” Clint frowned at her as Tony tensed a little.

“You’re heavy, asshole.” The genius groaned, instead of answering her.

“Sorry, your highness.” Clint snaked his arms around Nat’s neck and burrowed his face in her neck. “‘m tired. Paparazzis chased me.”

“Poor baby.” Nat cooed but pulled on his ear a little. “I’m sure, none of us know what that’s like.” 

“I don’t.” Laura giggled without taking her eyes off the muted television in the corner.

Clint groaned. “Be nice to me~” He whined and slumped a little limper.

Rolling his eyes, Tony squeezed out from underneath him and walked towards the fridge, pulling out a cold beer. Pepper threw him a look, but he only shrugged at her and pressed the can against Clint’s cheek. “Here. Drown your suffering.”

“Thanks, princess.” The singer mumbled and Tony flicked his temple. “Ouch. What were we talking about?”

“Nothing.” Tony quickly threw in, before the women could answer. “How was the show?”


	5. Chapter 5

Scott Lang laughed out loud as he was staring at his phone, and Clint frowned at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Here.” He threw the phone at Clint, who barely caught it, senses a little disoriented while Tony was working on his hearing aid. “Look at the posts.”

The singer squinted at the phone. “Why are you on tumble?”

“Why are you  _ not _ ?” Scott huffed.

Tony chuckled, while he was leaning over his workbench, magnifying glasses on his face. “He’s on tumble, because his daughter is on tumble.”

“Shut up, I know for a fact that  **manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** is you!”

The genius’ laughter was a little forced and he avoided the curious look he was feeling from Clint. “Oh no, I got caught. Whatever will I do?"

“It’s hard to miss, the way you’re always thirsting over-”

“Dummy, no!” Both Scott and Clint jumped at the sudden shout from James Barnes, who has been sitting cross legged on the floor, throwing a small ball for the robot. At the shout, Dummy let out a surprised squeak, the ball flying passed him into a corner. 

Clint blinked at the confused robot, then at Bucky. “What did he do exactly?” 

“Yeah! Poor little Dum Dum.” Scott frowned as he made his way over to the robot, petting his pathetically drooping claw. 

Bucky cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair. “I thought he was aiming at a prototype.” Before Clint could call him out on his obvious bullshit, Tony shut the workbench light. 

“It’s done, Birdo.” As Clint made his way towards him, the genius mouthed a  _ Thank You _ at the ex-soldier, who shrugged his shoulders and mimed a gun at Scott. 

Squinting at Tony, Clint pinched the side of his tank top. “Thanks. You okay? You seem weird recently.” 

“‘Course.” Grinning, Tony pinched him back. “Now get out of here, you three, Daddy needs to work on his actual job.”

Scott made a face as Clint let out a laugh. “That’s gross, man.”

“I am a literal dad to my bots, man, I have no idea where your mind went, you pervs.” 

“Sure~” Bucky dragged the word out on his way to the door with Scott. “See you later, Iron Man.”

“Yeah yeah.” Tony laughed, giving him a little wave. He grinned at Clint a little more freely and accepted his hug.

“Thank you for the aids, princess.”

“Of course, Clint.” They shared a smile and Clint followed the others out of the shop.

Once he was sure, that both of his friends were gone, Tony's smile slipped and he let out a sigh. “Sorry, boy.” He whispered to Dummy and fetched his ball. Petting his claw, he let the bot get back to his game, throwing the ball himself now that his play date was gone. 

Well, time to get rid of that tumble. Really, it had only been a matter of time.


	6. Chapter 6

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** deactivated

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255427/in/album-72157711306472048/)   
look at this asshole, how is he so hot??

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** deactivated

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886073946/in/album-72157711306472048/)   
what a bunch of absolute dorks.

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** deactivated

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886073926/in/album-72157711306472048/) [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255462/in/album-72157711306472048/)  
_Budapest_ was better than _From Russia With Love_, _fight me_!

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** deactivated

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48885537558/in/album-72157711306472048/)   
ugh, Clint Barton is personally ruining my life.

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** deactivated

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255487/in/album-72157711306472048/)   
we all know you don't know how to read, Clinton.

**manofironifyoucatchmydrift ** deactivated

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48885537623/in/album-72157711306472048/)   
fuck.


	7. Chapter 7

_ Main Attraction  _ was blasting over the speakers as Pepper entered the workshop. Her eyebrows didn’t vanish into her hairline anymore, the sound was so familiar by now. “God, Tony, you really need to tell him.” She yelled over it and moved further into the room. The genius ignored her, as he was hiding under one of his vintage cars. “I know you heard me.” She rolled her eyes. “Jarvis, please cut the music.”

_ Yes, Ma’m. _ The AI sounded amused, not cutting the music, but lowering it to a very soft background noise.

“Thank you, dear.”

A sigh sounded from underneath the cabrio, and finally Tony rolled out. “I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” Now Pepper did raise her eyebrows, frowning at the grease all over his face.

“Both?” Tony stood up with an exaggerated groan, crossing the shop and grabbing a mostly clean towel. “Listen. It wouldn’t work out, okay?”

“Why do you think that?” Pepper followed him towards the couch, where he sat down, throwing a ball for U to catch.

The bot whirred after it and Pepper sat down as well. “You know me. I can’t do relationships.”

“You  _ don’t  _ do relationships.” She placed a hand on his arm. “Hey, look at me.”

“Pep.” He did look at her, but it was with a twisted little smile. “Come on. When has me falling for a friend ever worked out?” He chuckled a little and jostled her shoulder with his own. “Don’t really have the best track record for it.”

Sighing, Pepper made a face. “To be fair, Rhodey is very much straight. He loves you. Just not like that.” 

“It’s not like I don’t know that. It’s been years, but it still taught me a lesson.” He smiled at her, a little wistfully. “A lesson I ignored with you.” 

“Tony-” 

“Hey.” Tony took her hand and squeezed it. “We’ve had this talk. It’s in the past, yeah?”

“Of course, baby.”

Grinning brightly, he leaned his head against her shoulder. “Hey, I’m not blaming any of you, you know that. It’s just… I’ve been there. And I’d rather not be there again.”

Pepper leaned back against the couch and threw her arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. “I know that. But I really think-”

“Rhodey was basically planning my wedding with you, you know?”

She hummed and bit her lip. “Okay. I’ll stop. But I still think you’re an idiot.”

He laughed, letting his whole weight settle against her. “Noted. But you always do, so it doesn’t count.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Tell me.”

“No!”

“Tell me.”

“N-”

“Tell me!”

“Jesus, Nat, no!” Clint fell down onto his back with a dramatic huff and Natalia fell down right beside him.

“Tell-”

“Tasha!”

She turned her head towards him with a squint. “Gross, you only use that name when you’re serious.” She sighed, throwing her arms over her head. “You’re no fun.”

“Why do you need to know?” Clint pulled his water bottle towards himself and almost doused himself completely by trying to drink while lying down. 

Taking a breath, Nat slowly started to unroll the boxing tape from her hands. “You always tell me about your crushes.”

“Why is everyone even so sure that it’s a crush? It could be anything.” He sounded like a petulant child, he knew. He didn’t care.

“_ It's no surprise. God, I like your style. You're the perfect distraction. You're the main attraction. _” Natalia spoke the lyrics in a monotone voice, the ‘duh’ as clear as day. 

He frowned at the ceiling. “That could mean _ anything _.”

“Distraction. We both know you’re only distracted by people you fall for.” She paused. “That or Video Games. It could always be a song about the new Avengers Game, who knows.”

Clint let out a snort. “Oh yes. That one _ will _ be a main attraction once it’s out.” He chuckled lowly. “Just wait for the headlines! Clint Barton’s _ Main Attraction _ has been about a video game all this time!”

Letting out an equally ugly snort, Natalia turned onto her side, cheek popped up on her hand. “Why are you stalling, Clint? You know, I know who the song is about.”

“Then why even ask?” His voice came out harsher than he intended, frustrated and a little bitter.

She sighed deeply and sat up, red hair falling over her shoulders, as she released it from the tight ponytail. “Because I wanted you to tell me. You’re my brother, Clint. I was pissed that you _ wouldn’t _ just tell me.” She glared at him. “Did you think I would judge you? What for? For it being a man? For it being _ Tony _ ? Did you think I would _ tell him _?”

“No.” Sitting up as well, slower than Nat, Clint kept the water bottle in his lap, needing something to hold on to. “Of course not.”

“Then what?” He mumbled something under his breath, something she wasn’t able to catch. “What was that, asshole?”

Letting out a disgusted sound, Clint threw the bottle to the side. “I’ve never said it out loud before, okay?” There was silence for a moment and then Natalia started cackling. “Shut up!”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” She didn’t even stop when he pushed her to the side, only sprawling on the gym floor. “You wrote him a song, идиот, how is that _ not _ saying it out loud?”

Mocking her laughter, Clint threw his own tape at her, successfully hitting her in the face with one. “Listen, the song just came to me okay? Not like I’m yelling his name in it!”

“No you just sing about your _Queen._” Nat threw one back and sat up to lean sideways against the wall. “_You shimmer like gold, you’re the star of the show._ He may be dumb and obvious, любимый, but I am not.”

“You can’t really call him dumb, when I’m actively trying to hide it.”

“Oh I’m calling you both dumb, you for being an obvious idiot and Tony for… no actually I’m calling you both dumb for being obvious idiots.”

A chuckle escaped Clint. He took a deep breath and let himself fall back onto the floor. “Should I tell him?” His voice came out small and he rolled his eyes at himself. “I’m 32 years old, asking if I should tell my _ crush if he likes me back _.” He raised his voice into a shrill parody of a kindergarten child. 

“Hey.” Slapping his knee, Natalia garnered his attention. “This has nothing to do with your age. It’s okay to need help with this romance shit.”

“You poet, you.”

“Shush.”Once again, she let herself fall next to him. “Clint, I can’t tell you what to do, but I do know that you’re a catch and everyone would be lucky to have you.”

He stared at her incredulously. “Jeez, what mushy human are you and where’s my serial killer friend?”

“Oh shut up. See if I ever help you with anything again.”

идиот - Idiot  
любимый - Beloved


	9. Chapter 9

“It’s definitely Tony Stark.”

Peter Parker and Ned Leeds looked up from their lunch as Michelle Jones slapped down her tray of food onto their table, sitting down. They shared a look. “I’m sorry what?” Ned eventually asked, while Peter only blinked at her. 

“Barton’s  _ Main Attraction,  _ duh.” She didn’t even look at them, too busy stuffing her face with questionable cafeteria Mac ‘n’ Cheese. 

Peter frowned, stabbing at his own meal. “I don’t know… wouldn’t he know, though?” Mr Stark talked about Clint Barton a lot. Peter had heard him playing his music a lot as well. Well, they  _ were _ very good friends after all, so nothing unusual about that. Colonel Rhodes had also shown Peter Mr Stark’s secret tumble so Peter knew that at least one of them was interested. “Mr Stark is quite obviously interested in him, shouldn’t they just be together then?”

“Peter.” MJ looked up at him with a squint. “Come on. How long did it take you to ask Ned out?”

The teen blushed and threw a glare at Ned, who started snickering. “Okay. Point taken.” He pouted, stabbing at his macaroni some more. “So what, you think they are mutually pining for each other?”

MJ shrugged, taking a huge bite. “I don’t know, man, wouldn’t it make sense?” She frowned at Peter for a moment. “Or are they secretly together?” She asked, face lighting up as if she’s cracked a complicated code. 

“Nah.” Looking from Ned to her, Peter shook his head. “No, I would know. I would.”

“Well then they are idiots, if you ask me.” Ned threw in, browsing through his phone idly. 

MJ raised her eyebrows at him and clicked her tongue. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see  _ you  _ making any plans of confession to Sciencenerd over here, either.”

It was Peter’s turn to laugh, while Ned only glared at her.


	10. Chapter 10

“This is ridiculous.” Clint was yanking at his tie to loosen it, feeling stuffy and uncomfortable.

Tony sighed next to him and looked around them to see if they were mostly out of sight. “Told you to lose it, hot shot.” He mumbled, as he reached over to glide his fingers into the loop and loosen it enough to pull it over Clint’s head, minding his tastefully gelled back hair. “There, way better.” He stared for a moment and hummed in thought. “Actually…” Stuffing the black tie into his back pocket, he reached around his own neck to pull off his bowtie. Minding the tightness, he easily looped it around Clint’s neck to arrange it. “Perfect.”

Grinning at the genius, Clint smoothed a hand over his shirt. “Thanks, princess.”

“Always, pumpkin.” Tony rolled his eyes at the nickname, but he had a smile of his own as he looked around. He took the tie out of his pocket and wound it around his own neck. “Well, time to mingle I’d say.” 

Clint groaned quietly and slumped against the pillar he has been leaning against. “Do we have to? It’s just gonna be the same stupid questions over and over again.” He whined the words and Tony’s smile softened a little. He was all too familiar with unwanted attention and  _ stupid questions _ .

Feeling uncharacteristically uncomfortable around his friend, Tony sighed. “I know you have some weird bird brain reason for keeping this muse a secret, so don’t worry about the questions. Just smile and deflect, you learned from the best after all.” He grinned, to mask the nervousness he felt at the subject. Natalia was right, he  _ should _ know who it was and he felt vaguely hurt that Clint apparently didn’t trust him enough to tell him. But then of course, he didn’t really  _ want _ to know. Because  _ that _ might hurt even more.

Clint looked at him for a weird, too long moment, but then shook his head with a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah I really did.”

“Anyway!” Clapping his hands together, Tony moved out from behind their little hiding nook. “Let’s get this shit behind us. Oh look, there’s your friends. Don’t let me keep you.”

“Hey wait, you don’t have to leave.” Clint grabbed his elbow and steered him towards said friends.

Tony struggled a little and made a face. “I know at least one of them will mind.”

“He just doesn’t know you.” Clint sighed, not letting the genius run. “And you don’t know him, because you’re both too thick-headed to actually talk.”

“Hey,  _ he _ decided he didn’t like me the first time we met, it wasn’t  _ my _ fault.”

Clint stopped walking and looked at him incredulously. “Really, Tones? Because as far as I can remember, you greeted him with ‘Well hello, Captain, you can command  _ me _ any time’ and when he only stared at you, you told him to take the stick out of his-”

“I get it!” Pouting like a child, the genius shrugged. “So he didn’t get my humour. Again,  _ not _ my fault.”

“Oh, princess.” The pet name came as a whisper, Clint knowing well that Tony wouldn’t want strangers to hear it. Rolling his eyes, he finally let go of his arm. “Fine, be like this. Go schmooze some rich people to get their money.”

Patting his chest, Tony smiled his press smile and nodded. “See, I knew you’d understand, now go mingle, or I  _ will _ push you.”

“Yeah yeah, save me a dance.” The genius’ smile turned more genuine for a second and he left with a dorky thumbs up. “Crazy motherfucker.”

“Where did he run off to?” Sam Wilson asked behind him, arm around Steve Roger’s waist. “Hiding from Steve again?”

“Ding ding.”

“Hey! I can at least be polite.” The fellow actor sniffed offended. “Can’t all be as childish.”

“Don’t diss the guy in front of Barton, Stevie.” A third voice joined them as Bucky walked closer, Natalia on his arm. “Won’t end well.”

Natalia smiled at his side, eyes sharp and knowing. “Behave, дорогой.”

“What do you mean?” Steve shared a hug with his best friend, but frowned in confusion. He leaned down to kiss Nat’s cheek.

Sam thumped him on the shoulder, while Nat moved on to hug Clint. “Wait, you’re telling me you don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?”

Clint groaned out loud, as Nat patted his shoulder in apology. “Jesus, does everyone know?” 

“We really do.” Bucky smirked, leaning closer to the flustered singer. “Well, Stevie doesn’t, but he’s thick.”

“Hey!” Insulted, Steve’s frown deepened. “I know the man least of all between all of us, cut me some slack.”

“Yes, dear, but you know Clint.” Nat teased and leaned closer to whisper into the blonde’s ear. “And what does he call Stark all the time?”

Clint felt the seconds tick in his head while the cogs in Steve’s brain spinned. It almost felt like he heard a microwave ding as the man’s face lit up in understanding. “No. Stark?” 

“Rogers, you just don’t know him.” Clint huffed and Sam nodded with a serious expression, while Bucky laughed.

“Trust me, those two will never get along.” Leaning closer to Clint, he whispered into his ear: “They are too similar.” 

“I heard that, thank you very much.” The blonde rolled his eyes and grabbed a tray of champagne from a waiter passing by. “And we’re nothing alike.”

“You are both thick-headed bastards.” Bucky drawled, as Natasha leaned her cheek against his shoulder. 

“Fine fine, I see I’m defeated here.” 

Sam grinned as he accepted one of the flutes. “Don’t worry, Clint. We’re behind you on this.”

The addressed groaned, taking a big sip from his own glass. “He doesn’t even know.”

“Oh, something tells me you should tell him soon.” Bucky shook his head at the offered drink and shrugged his shoulders at Natasha when she glared at him. “Trust me.”

Clint frowned as he stared at him. “What do you know?”

“Not his words to say.” The actress hissed. “Anyway! Let’s not stand around here any longer, let’s dance or something.”

Her boyfriend whined dramatically. “Do we have to?”

дорогой - dear


	11. Chapter 11

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255617/in/album-72157711306472048/) [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255622/in/album-72157711306472048/)  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886073976/in/album-72157711306472048/) [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886255632/in/album-72157711306472048/)  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48886074061/in/album-72157711306472048/)

_ Saving pictures under ‘Guilty Pleasure’. Sir, the task is completed. May I add that your obsession is getting slightly out of hand? _

_ … _

_ Understood, Sir. _

_ … _

_ I still believe you should tell Mr Barton how you feel. _

_ … _

_ Understood, Sir. Activating protocol ‘Don’t be a know-it-all’. _


	12. Chapter 12

"It's getting pathetic," Rhodey said, his hands on the keyboard Tony so seldom used since Jarvis was born.

The genius rolled his eyes, elbow deep in Dummy, trying to repair a panel that U had sawn straight off the night before. Taught him right to leave the Jigsaw lying around where his kids could get their greedy little claws on it. "I don't want to hear it. Remind me how long it took you to ask Carol out?"

Rhodey snorted, barely sounding offended, the asshole. "One y-"

"One year, exactly!"

Walking over, the Colonel thumped a flat hand against Tony's shoulder, jostling him. "Tony it's been five years. Six, if you count the year you only knew him as Romanova's annoying friend."

"I can't tell him, honey bear." Welding on the last piece close and turning the knob to bring his Dummy back to life, Tony stood up, stretching out his legs. "I can't."

Frowning, Rhodey leaned back against one of the work benches, crossing his arms. “What if-” But before he could list of different ideas for the idiots to talk everything through, Tony’s phone rang. He rolled his eyes at the smile that blossomed on the genius’ face. “Let me guess, it’s-”

“What?” The faint voice made Rhodey stop immediately. “Which hospital? Yes. Yes I’m on my way. Thank you.” The colonel had quickly moved closer to Tony, a hand on his shoulder. “That was Nat. Clint’s had an accident while filming. He’s in surgery with Helen right now.” Leaning into him, Tony blinked, unsure what to do, his mind reeling.

“Come on, I’ll drive.” Pulling a nodding Tony along, Rhodey quickly entered one of the many cars in the workshop. On the road, Tony kept fiddling with the radio, until Rhodey grabbed his hand and kept it gripped against his leg. “He will be okay, Tony. It’s not the first time this has happened and Helen is the best, you know this.”

“I know.” And now his leg was jumping, so Rhodey pressed their hands even harder against it. “I know, it’s just… Nat sounded worried. And you know it’s bad when  _ Nat _ sounds worried.” 

“I’m not saying it’s nothing.” Squeezing the hand, he patted Tony’s knee for good measure, before letting go to shift. “I’m just saying that he’s Clint. He’s going to be fine.”

“Yes, but what if he’s not? What if I lose him, because he’s an idiot, who’s too old for his own stunts, but is doing them anyway, because he has the thick head of a mule?” 

“You’re panicking.” Rhodey heard a crack and chanced a glance to his right. “And now you’ve broken the radio dial.”

“I’ll fix it.” Defeated, Tony slumped back against the seat. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being-”

“A lunatic.”

“ _ -worried. _ ” 

“Listen.” Driving onto the parking lot of the hospital, Rhodey killed the engine and turned towards his friend. “Clint will be fine. So I need you to stay calm and not freak everyone out in the building.”

“I can do that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, totally.”

“Okay, come on then.” 

Tony didn’t sprint into the hospital, but it was a close call. Rhodey followed in a more moderate pace, keeping his eyes on his frantic friend. Somehow they still reached Natalia and Bucky at the same time. “How is he?”

Nat looked decidedly less worried than she sounded on the phone, which was a relief. “The surgery went well. He should be awake soon. Kate is with him right now.”

“Oh thank god.” Leaning into Rhodey again, Tony let out a long breath. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“Yeah, pick a number.” Bucky pulled Natalia into his arms, his chin on her hair.

They waited a few more minutes, Bucky peppering Tony with questions to keep his mind occupied and Rhodey talking with Nat in hushed voices. Finally Kate came out of Clint’s room, a smile on her face. “He’s awake,” she said relieved, pulling Tony and Rhodey into hugs. “And lucid. The doctor says more people can see him, but not too many.” She placed her hand on Tony’s cheek. “He’s fine. No need to look so pale, Stark.” Voice soft, she smiled at him. “He’s okay.”

“Thank you.” he mouthed, as Nat pulled him along, into Clint’s room. 

The man in question was eating pudding of all things. His wrist was in a cast and he had a bandage around his head. He was smiling, of course he was smiling. “Oh hey guys.”

“Hey guys, he says.” Natalia chuckled as she moved closer and sat down in a chair next to him. “You moron.”

“Hey! I’m hurt here.” Glaring, Clint turned from her to Tony. “And what are you just standing around for?”

Tony rolled his eyes, his hands slowly un-cramping from his arms. “Shut up. You moron.” Moving closer, he tried a smile, but it came off tight and unnatural. “What even happened?”

Natalia frowned. “I don’t think-”

“Oh, it was amazing!” Bulldozing right over her, Clint sat up straighter. 

“Clint.”

Ignoring Nat’s warning tone, the actor continued. “It was the best stunt I ever did, trust me. But then the fucking rope snapped and I just fell, you know. I was supposed to fall from a building, but then I  _ actually _ fell from that building. I was-”

“Clint!” Turning towards Tony, who was getting paler and paler again, Nat cursed. “Don’t listen to him котенок, he’s doped up on pain meds.” 

“No, seriously, I’m fine. Concussion, internal bleeding and a broken wrist, trust me it could have been so much wo-” He didn’t come further, his eyes widening as Tony’s lips crashed into his harshly, a pair of hands on the sides of his neck. “Ow.” He mumbled faintly as Tony pulled away, blinking a couple of times.

“I’m sorry.” The genius gasped. “You asshole. I hate you. I’m sorry.” With a last look, Tony turned around and left the room.

“What.”

“Oh Боже мой”

“What!”

“Sshhh!”

котенок - kitten  
Боже мой - my god


	13. Chapter 13

“And in our gossip minute, I am glad to report that actor Clint Barton has recently been released from the hospital, after his accident on the set of upcoming movie  _ The Glory of the West _ . Barton had suffered a severe fall during a dangerous stunt, but luck seemed to have been on his side. His broken wrist and the bruises should heal up in no time, so told to us by his manager and friend, Bruce Banner. This has been Darcy Lewis, passing over to Thor Odinson with the weather.”


	14. Chapter 14

“He kissed me.” 

“Yes.”

“He  _ kissed  _ me.”

“Yes.” 

“He-”

“Clint!” Pulling his face towards her by the cheeks, Natalia glared at him. “Shut. Up.” 

“But he kissed me.” Clint’s voice was hysteric. He was lying slumped down on his couch, recently released from the hospital. “And he said he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” Nat sighed, patting his cheek firmly. “He was pissed. He was worried.” 

“He kissed me.” His lips slowly stretched into a giddy smile. “He kissed me.”

“Clint.” Scott moved closer towards him, passing him a water bottle. “You might want to consider that he was just in shock.”

“Oh shut up, Lang.” Throwing a shoe in his general direction, Bucky rolled his eyes. “Please, maybe this stupid accident will finally bring these two idiots together, by God.”

“So you guys  _ did _ know something!” Trying to point an accusing finger at Bucky, Clint groaned in pain as his wrist ached. “Ow, fuck you guys.”

Nat passed him his painkillers with a pitying glance. “Of course we knew something. But as I’ve said a few months back, it wasn’t for us to tell.”

“But it would have made everything so much easier.” 

“And why should you have it easy, among all us other schmucks?” Scott asked, throwing the shoe back at Bucky, hitting him square in the chest, though the soldier didn’t even flinch. “Love is hard, it’s complicated, deal with it. Like a man.”

Silence dominated the room for a while until Clint suddenly wheezed. “Like a man?”

“Seriously, Lang.” Nat and Bucky quickly joined into the laughter, soon followed by Scott himself. 

He shook his head, shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry, that was cheesy as hell.”

Calming down, Clint let out a long breath. “I need to get him somehow. He can’t avoid me forever.”

“He will certainly try.” Bucky threw in, earning glares from the other two.

“And I will not let him”


	15. Chapter 15

_ Sir, Mr Barton has called you 10 times today alone. _

“I know, Jarvis, I’m not deaf.”

_ Then I’d like to remind you that people usually answer urgent calls. _

“I’m not gonna lie, you probably know more about people than I do.” Tony chuckled as he was slowly going through his paperwork, literally locked into his office by Pepper.

_ Indeed, Sir. You should listen. _

“You know I never listen to you.” 

_ A mistake you keep making, yes, Sir. Should I at least play the last message he has left? _

“Sure, go ahead, I’m sure he’s only-”

“STOP IGNORING ME YOU STUPID BRAT!”

“- yelling at me.” Dissolving into borderline hysteric giggles, Tony let his forehead rest on the desk. “How the fuck do I face him, Jarvis? How do I-” A metallic screech made him freeze and he quickly jumped up, back to the wall and hand on the taser he always had on his person. “Jarvis, diagnostics, check the vents.”

_ Sir, it’s- _

“Fuck!” With another screech the vent gave way and like in slow motion, Clint Barton fell into his office with a shout.

Tony stared at the groaning mess on his carpet, eyes wide in confusion. “What the fuck, Barton?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No seriously, what the everloving  _ fuck _ , Barton? You broke into my office via the  _ vents _ ? What the-”

“Fuck, yes I get it.” With another groan, Clint slowly stood up, looking at the mess on the floor. “I’m sorry for this. I really am. It seemed cooler in  _ From Russia With Love _ .”

“Yes, maybe because that’s a mo-”

“But I needed to talk to you.” With a pointed look at Tony’s still and turned off phone on the desk, he huffed. “And you wouldn’t answer any of my calls or messages.”

“I’ve been-” Shrugging and finally taking his hand off his taser, Tony crossed his arms. “I’ve been busy. In fact I  _ am _ busy, so-”

“Bullshit.” Clint walked closer, grabbing him by the lapels of his suit. “Bull. Shit.” Shaking him slightly, he grinned when Tony let out a slight laugh. He knew how to defuse situations with Tony, he knew, but today he had to act serious. “Listen.” Sobering up, Clint stepped back a little and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I get it, if you only did what you did because of shock or worry or… I don’t know. I get it.”

“What are you saying?” Confused, Tony frowned, but he crossed his arms again, pulling back. 

Clint let out a sigh and averted his eyes. “The kiss, alright. It doesn’t have to mean anything, you know? You don’t have to avoid me because you’re embarrassed or-”

“God, Clint.” With a shaky laugh, Tony leaned back against the window behind him. “That’s not at all what I was doing.”

“No? Then why haven’t I heard from you in weeks?” Putting his hands on his waist, mindful of his wrist, Clint started to pace in front of Tony. “You sent Happy to get me from the hospital and then nothing, damn it Tony, did I do something?”

“No Clint, it’s just-” Letting out a frustrated sound, Tony tousled his gelled back hair into chaos. “This is stupid. I’m sorry that I kissed you.”

“Sorry why?” The actor immediately jumped in. “Sorry because you didn’t mean it? Sorry because you almost split my lip? Sorry because you kissed me in front of Nat and she will never let you live it down? Sorry why, asshole?”

“How about, sorry, because you probably don’t feel this way about me,  _ asshole _ ?”

“For fuck’s sake, Tony,  _ I wrote you a song _ .” Clint grabbed his shoulders and shook him harder than before. “I wrote you a song. Don’t you get it?” His hands moved up to grab the sides of Tony’s neck. “It was for you. All for you.” And then he pushed Tony against the window and moved in for a kiss. A proper kiss. A kiss that took his breath away and made Tony groan deep in his throat. A kiss that lasted decidedly longer than any kiss should in Tony’s SI office. A kiss that Tony eventually broke, by gently pushing him back.

With closed eyes, he let his head fall back against the glass, a small smile starting to appear on his lips. “You wrote me a song.”

“Yes, your highness, I wrote you a song.” Clint grinned against the side of his neck.

“You cheesy motherfucker.” Punching his shoulder, Tony let out a chuckle. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Raising his eyebrows, Clint pulled him down onto the couch, arms firmly around his waist. “Why didn’t you?”

“Jesus Clint, I didn't know how. We’ve been friends for years and-”

“And this usually doesn’t end well for you.” Sighing in understanding, Clint leaned his head against Tony’s shoulder. “We both worry too much.”

Chuckling, Tony leaned back against Clint’s chest. “Yes, we really do.”

“Hey princess?” Pressing a kiss to Tony’s shoulder, Clint smiled against him.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” 

A tiny forced laugh left Tony’s chest and he leaned harder against Clint. “You’re an asshole.”

“You don’t have to say it back, I understand.”

“Clint.” Turning around to face the singer completely, Tony drew in a long breath. “You know my life. You know the gossip. Do you really want to be dragged into this? People will talk. They will tear you apart."

Frowning, Clint moved to grab Tony’s tie and twirled it around his hands. “Tony.” He waited until the genius looked up into his eyes. “Do you love me?”

Eyes closing for a moment, Tony moved in for a short kiss. When he drew back, he opened them again. “Yes.” He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes, I love you. I have loved you for a while.”

“Then screw the gossip.” Stealing another kiss, because he could, damn it he could, Clint smiled brightly. “Screw the people. Maybe now they will finally get that I am not straight.”


	16. Chapter 16

**scottbartonismyname**

OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU GUYS, I WAS JOKING THIS IS GOLD, WHAT THE FUCK!

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185019900@N08/48885537918/in/album-72157711306472048/)

\---

“Told you so,” MJ greeted Peter and Ned with on Monday after the press release. “Told. You. So.”

Ned only rolled his eyes. “That was pure luck, there’s no way in hell you knew.”

“Oh but I did. I so knew and- What’s wrong with him?” She nodded at Peter, who had been silent through the whole exchange, moving the food on his plate from side to side. 

Ned jostled his shoulder, but he didn’t receive a reaction. “He’s sulking because Mr Stark didn’t tell him personally.”

“He’s sulking because his boss didn’t share intimate, romantic details with him?”

“Hey, we’re friends!” The teen frowned. “He talked to me about Miss Potts, I don’t see how this is any different.”

“Dude.” MJ stared at him incredulously. “The fact alone that you  _ want _ to know that shit doesn’t seem healthy.” 

Ned made a face but slowly nodded his head. “I kind of gotta agree with her on that one.”

“Oh shut up, you two!”

\---

“And you will try to be nice, yeah?”

“Yes, Sam, how often do I have to say it?” Steve huffed in annoyance, pulling the tie tighter than necessary. “I’m going to be polite and nice, Jesus.”

His boyfriend rolled his eyes, fidgeting with his own bowtie. “I still don’t see why you two can’t just get along.”

“Because they are too much alike.” A harsh faux whisper was thrown into the room and Steve glared at Bucky. The soldier just shrugged. “Don’t kill the observer.”

\---

“Why did we agree to this big family dinner thing again?” Tony asked, pacing up and down in front of Clint, who was fixing his hair in Tony's bathroom mirror. 

The singer rolled his eyes and moved to pull the genius against his chest, effectively stopping his movement. “Because we love our friends and our friends love us.” He explained patiently while pressing tiny kisses to Tony’s neck.

“Right yes. Remind me to change that, I don’t really need friends, now that I think about this.”

“Why are you this nervous, princess? It’s not like they don’t know already.” Turning him around in his arms, Clint pulled him into a soft kiss. “And they approve, trust me.”

Tony huffed, but leaned in as well, putting a little more heat into the next kiss, his hands finding the back of Clint’s neck. “I know.” He rolled his eyes, melodramatic as ever and pulled back a little. “I know. It’s just that they know us as Clint and Tony and now they will get to know us as  _ ClintandTony _ , if you know what I’m trying to say.”

“I do.” Nodding, the singer chuckled low in his throat. “I also know that that’s bullshit. Tony, we’ve been  _ ClintandTony _ for years, we were just too dumb to realise it. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them had thought that we were dating already.”

Pouting in thought, Tony leaned closer again, pressing his forehead against Clint’s shoulder. “Point taken.”

“Good.” Grabbing the genius’ chin gently, Clint pulled his head up. He gave him a last firm peck and grabbed his hand. “Time to meet the family, my dear.”

“Fantastic.” Letting out a long-suffering sigh, Tony intertwined their fingers. “You wrote me a song, it’s the least I can do after all.”

“Exactly, princess. Exactly.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank two of my friends Elpie and Becky for staying with me and rooting for this fic to be finished.  
I think it's safe to say that it wouldn't have been without you two xD
> 
> Anyway, Natalia never had an affair with Tony and she is in fact still with Bucky.  
Sam and Steve met on set, where Sam was consulted on accuracy for army pilots.  
Bucky met Nat right after being released from the army and fell in love, because she single-handedly destroyed a punching back in their gym.  
Peter and Ned were pining for each other since age 12 until MJ walked into their lives and kicked their butts.  
Pepper is happily married to Happy, but nobody knows.  
Bobbie and Clint are still very good friends and share custody of Pizza, the dog.  
Steve and Tony will eventually befriend each other and be annoying and sassy together.  
oh and: Crash Team Racing is superior to Mario Kart, fight me!


End file.
